My senior year started last Thursday. The last first day of high school started with me leaving camp in Mauldin, SC, stopping by Chick-Fil-A for lunch and going on to Civics. I was extremely tired, that much I admit openly, and so had a very small tolerance that day. Therefore, when the teacher went on to discuss school policy on uniforms after arriving to class late instead of discussing what the class would actually be like I did not react in the best fashion. No, I am not a saint, and that day I proved it without a doubt. Needless to say I was glad when Bible class came at 1:50. When the second day came and the exhaustion was gone I realized a different feeling. Being in the school again was of course weird and our schedule of only half a day of high school courses was equally strange, but I also felt an extreme sense that I did not want to be there. I have, to say the least, mixed feelings about this year. I want to graduate and start my own life. I love my family, but am ready to be on my own. I love my home, but I want to see what comes next, what are God's plans. I want to see them come to pass, and yet I remind myself daily that His plans come to pass in His timing or they do not come to pass at all. On the other hand I know what is at school. I love the people at my high school, I care about my teachers as I would mentors(most). Then there are my friends. When we graduate we will indefinitely scatter and the conversations between us will soon fade. Every summer I see it happen. In two months time I will see what I would call a close friend maybe seven times. My love for them will never leave, nor will my fond memories of them and I intend to try to keep up with them, but it will not be as it was last year. I can already see that happening. Change comes. In times of change we sometimes lose things we love, and love things we never thought we'd find. It is a fact and a part of this journey. I know that regardless of what happens in the course of this year: God is the one in control. To be honest, I don't want the control. I have seen the results of me being in the drivers' seat and they are not good(I actually backed into a handicap sign the other day). I would trust this year to no one else but Him, just as I trust myself to Him.
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